hey, we're conducting an interview for a documentary about ashwick valley and their locals. would you be okay with us asking you questions for it?
Oh! Yeah sure. Guess I can't say no to that.
What was it like growing up?
It wasn't all that easy growing up. My whole entire family had a struggle, whether it was financially, physically, emotionally. We all had a struggle. For me, my side of the family was rather on the calmer side of things compared everyone. We were poor but we had our good days. I guess how it all began was when I was born. My mom gave birth to me when she was only sixteen years old while my father was eighteen years old. Teen pregnancy is always a struggle no matter what, and it wasn't any different for them. When I was born, my dad got sent to jail due to being involved with a robbery and I didn't meet him until I was three years old.
Of course, I don't remember anything about him being in jail as my earliest memories are with him there in my life but told me all the time he felt so bad missing out on those three years of my life. But I guess it definitely makes sense as to why he spoiled me a lot. As a little girl, If I wanted a Barbie Doll one day, the next day, I'd have it. If I wanted some candy, I'd have it. If I wanted a new dress, I'd have it.
He gave me everything I pretty much wanted and even though we weren't made out of money, he always made sure I'd have everything I pretty much desired to have as a kid. I'm sure he was out hustling or something to make all of those things happen, but he still did his best to spoil the hell out of me. Hell, he still sometimes spoils me even as an adult. So it's obvious to say I definitely have a close bond with my Dad. And no, it's not just because he tries to get me everything I want or anything, but because we just have that bond together. We always did everything together. I looked at him like a best friend. Like my hero almost in a way. I mean, I love my mom and everything, but I was definitely a Daddy's Girl. In fact, I still am and no one can take that spot away from me, not even my sister. Don't get me wrong, I love her dearly and we all love each other in my family, but c'mon...I was so his favorite out of us two girls! Speaking of, yeah. I do have a little sister, India, She's only four years younger than me though. I don't know if we were always super duper close growing up, but it wasn't like we were estranged either. I do love my little sister and I always wanna be there for her, but we've had so many arguments with one another and it just makes things really awkward between us. I've even gotten really violent put my hands on her not too long ago. I was completely wrong for that, but I don't know...I would like for us to be closer. But I'm not sure if it'll ever happen. As far as I know, she probably hates my guts for eternity for what I've done. I don't know, hopefully it's a relationship in progress...
It says here on this paper about you that you used to be married. How that happened?
Ha, yes. Lets just say I accidentally married my childhood best friend and it ended up turning a lot more serious than it was intended to be. We partied in Vegas when I was 21 for Spring Break, got wasted and the next morning, I'm waking up beside him in a hotel bed wearing some cheap ass wedding band.
It was beyond crazy, but we weren't phased or anything so we were married, but single and continued our single lives until eventually feelings started to grow. We got together, making our marriage a real thing, and it was honestly a mess. I was in love, but the relationship was just so messy. It was filled with jealous issues and arguing half of the time. I guess you could say it was pretty toxic. But I guess why I stayed so long was because I truly fell in love with not only him but just with the idea of being in love at that point in my life. Anyway, eventually I found out I was pregnant. At first, I was a little bit on the fence with it because being a mom was just a big step that I didn't think I was ready for. But maybe after a month or so after I had found out, I actually really was excited to be a mom and he was excited to be a dad. But three months into the pregnancy, I miscarried. And I don't know man...it still fucking haunts me...that my child is basically dead...
But uh... after I lost the baby, things were getting tense. He stopped paying attention to me and spent most of his time moping and shit while I partied, drink and did whatever I could to forget about it. But I got tired of the tension and our relationship just wasn't working after that, so I filed for divorce.
Man, that's a bummer though. Sorry to hear that. Anyway, it also says you're a frequent visitor of the clubs here in Ashwick. Wanna add onto that?
Oh yeah! That list you got there is correct, my friend. I love partying and clubbing. I love going out. I love the atmosphere of it. The sweaty people I repeatedly run into as I'm maneuvering throughout the club, the loud music booming through the building, the taste of the shots hitting the back of my throat. It's what I live for and it's something I've been doing since I was a teenager with my lovely fake ID. People think the partying I'm doing is a waste of time and maybe not that healthy for me. But it's such a stress reliever. Hell, drinking is a stress reliever for me. It's like it takes every single worry out of my head. And if I'm upset or sad about something, drinking helps me feel better. Alcohol is honestly my best friend that isn't Ayden to be honest. Alcohol is one of the two things that's there for me when no one else isn't and that says something.
Okay....Well, next question. What is it that you want in your life?
I just wanna be happy. I...I honestly want to be a mom. I've been thinking about it a lot here lately. With me losing the only baby I've ever had and what would my life be like if I didn't miscarry. It's so hard because it seems like everyone who wants the same thing as me, already has it. Basically, it seems like everyone either has a child, planning to have a child or is getting married way earlier in age than I am. I'm a fucking quarter of a century old and I just feel...stuck right now. And don't get me started on my education right now. I fucking applied and got into graduate school to get my masters in English with a minor in History. I was gonna be a fucking professor after I had graduated, but I ended up getting behind and I just went ahead and flunked out. Now I'm stuck as an underpaid High School teacher. So I don't know where the hell my life is going right now. God I need a fucking drink or another hit of co...well, whatever... let's just get to the next question.
Um, alright. What's the dating scene like for you? Are you single?
Yes, now I am. Well....I don't know. It's really complicated. I told him I was fucking done with him the other night, but I'm not sure if I meant it. My heart is still with him. We're kinda just avoiding it all and pretending everything's fine, when in reality, it's not. I've been with him for a minute now and at first, I thought everything was really great and perfect between us. But then I found out he's cheating on me behind my back and it completely knocked the wind out of me. I pretended I was fine with it at first... just as long as he came home to me at the end. But I don't know. It just started to get to me, you know? Sometimes I'd even go out and give him a taste of his own medicine. I'll cheat on him just like he'd cheat on me, but his reaction of it all....just isn't pretty, I gotta say. He just gets really possessive and controlling and it's scary. I honestly feel like my life is flashing before my eyes when he confronts me about it. And it's so shitty because he does the exact same thing to me. But whatever
Anyway, usually after we fight, the next day or so he'll apologize. He'd spoil me with gifts and make me feel like the luckiest girl in the world. And I then I find myself staying. But the cheating just never stops and the more it occurs, the more it really breaks me and the more I find myself just alone and hurting. And that's the worse feeling in the world to me. I hate being alone, you know? I think that's probably one of the reasons why I'm with him, besides the fact that I'm in love with him. It's shitty. I don't know how I found myself in these fucked up relationships.
Alright, well. Let's a little more in depth about your family. Your family appears to have a list of temper issues. You have that problem, or did it skip you?
No, it didn't skip me. Granted, my temper isn't as bad as most people in my family. But I do have a temper. It just takes a lot for me to get to that point. And when I do get to that point, it's pretty ugly. I say really harsh shit. Shit that makes you seriously just look at me and go "Damn, did you seriously just say that?" I mean, I remember being so pissed, I rubbed in the fact that my cousin's parents were dead in her face and looking back, I really regret it because that was way out of line. I apologized for it and in time, I always do. I don't hold grudges for too long, unless you really fuck me over. But if I'm in the wrong, then I'll own up to it. Eventually anyway.
So between me and you, you use drugs?
Well, sorta. I do cocaine, but that's the only drug I'm using. I'm not addicted to it or anything, but I use it maybe everyday when I can. I do freak out a little when I run out for a period of time. But I mean, that's normal. People freak out when they run out of toilet paper to wipe their asses and I happen to freak when I run out of coke. But honestly, coke is so great though. Much better than weed and I've tried that numerous times in my life. I feel like coke is ten times more powerful than weed. Honestly, I don't know how I lived without it in my life for so long. It's like how alcohol makes me feel, but it's more effective. Sometimes I'll just snort some coke and maybe chug me a few beers afterwards, and the feeling I get from that is indescribable. I feel like I'm king of the world. Not queen. But king. It's like all my worries and my pain just simply fade away. And that's the best feeling in the world, even if it's just temporary. It's honestly like an orgasm but better, and I don't think anyone would understand or realize it until they've tried it themselves. I love it.
Well, Ms. Dionne, This isn't an Ashwick Valley documentary. This is documentary focused on addicts in attempt to getting them help with their addiction and with all due respect, Miss Dionne...you're an addict. You have all the signs of being an addict.
Excuse me? I'm not a fucking addict. How dare you even accuse me of that? Just because I like to use coke and drink, doesn't mean I'm addicted. You don't even know anything about me. I mean, I basically spilled my life out to you and yet you still don't get it so you clearly don't know shit. With all the fucked up shit I've been through, with the people walking in and out of my life, my cheating boyfriend, me miscarrying and literally everything else in between, I feel like it's perfectly okay for me to drink and do coke if that makes me forget about everything, even if it's only just temporary. You're honestly full of shit and you can rot in fucking hell for all I care. This interview is over. I'm no fucking addict.
"Miss Dionne actually is an addict. She's just in her denial stage. The first step to getting help is actually admitting to the fact that she's an addict and she hasn't quite made that step in her life yet. Like I've told her before she left, she has all the signs of being an addict including the life trauma she's been put through for an example: her miscarriage. I feel that she's not quite fully gotten over it. In fact, I'm not even sure she's mourned about her loss. Instead, she blocks her emotions with alcohol and cocaine. Her relationship isn't exactly helping it either. The way she's describing her relationship, with this guy being controlling and possessive over her, I'm very sure that this relationship involves much abuse, including physical. I will be trying to contact her family members regarding her health and her addiction, in hopes they get her help before it's too late."